Sonder (v.): the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries, and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.
Whatever happens in your life is your karma. You don’t control it. It’s not a “let me donate my time so good things will happen to me in return” kinda thing… things will happen regardless. Good or bad. That, my friends, is your karma. With that being said… just be a decent human being and learn to take the good with the bad :)
Monday nights I meet with my Sangha at the Dharma Bum Temple and talk about Buddhism and life. Our teacher, Ken, brought up a very interesting point that I had meant to write down/reflect on. He asked.. “Where is your future?” “Where is your past?” To which everyone was a bit confused. Where is it? It’s either behind us or in front of us. The key is to try to find those things.. now. Today. In the present moment.
It all sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Live in the Now. Why dwell about what happened in the past or what may or may not happen in the future when you are living in this moment, right NOW. Unneccessary stress you are causing yourself when you dwell on those two things. It all sounds simple in concept.
Eventually I’ll get to that point where I won’t worry. Little by little I see these things going away. I’m more grateful for my day to day. For the little things I encounter along the way. Not so caught up in what happened or what may.. but it’s hard! Some things bring me back to stress. People. Places. Ideas. So my next challenge is to figure out if I should cut these things out or try to be a bigger person and ask myself “Why?” Why do they bother me? Why do I let them get to me? And once I figure that out perhaps I can just.. not let it. Simple. Right?
You treated me like I was nothing.. like I was nobody. You acted like you didn’t tell me, just a few months before, that I was everything. That we were inevitable. That these things would and could never change.. But they did change. And I don’t mean this when I say it, usually, but honestly if I never had to see you or talk to you ever again, it would be too soon. All this bullshit that you put me through, the only benefit.. is that I now know how strong I can be. But all your bullshit still hurt me. And honestly, if I could, I would erase you completely from every inch of my mind.
This is a reminder to myself.. whenever I get curious or think maybe he’s changed.. that he hasn’t. That I’ve been dealing with this for 10 years and it’s always had the same result. Stay away from those who are poisonous to your life. Unfortunately, these people will come and go. Continue to be strong and don’t feed into it. Let them pass. Don’t go back to it. It’s no good for you. This is to remind you that sometimes, when people tell you that they love you, they really don’t.
Something about the feeling of typing on a keyboard is just so wonderful to me. I just want to type nonsense all the time because I love the feel of the keys under my finger-tips. And the sound. Click. Click. Click. I’m not sure what it’s about. Same feeling I get from writing letters with a good ink pen. The flow and movement of the ink on paper as the letters form. Things that I love.